"God must love the common man, He made so many of them..." Abraham Lincoln

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Diet Books

Since my last posting, I’ve come to the conclusion it's time to go on a diet. Again. This time, I pulled out all the diet books that have accumulated on my shelves over the years. Some were best-sellers while others were barely-sellers. There are how-to books and what-not-to-do books. There are low-cal, low-carb, and/or low-fat options. Menus, recipes, shopping lists, food diaries, and snack lists – all present and accounted for. Exercises? Oh yeah, them, too. By the time I rounded up and piled up all those books, I really had quite the workout and was ready for a snack and a nap.

So which of all these diet books is the magic one? It’s hard to say for sure. After all, humans have thrived on all kinds of diets for centuries. If anyone needs proof of that just open up the yellow pages to the restaurant listings and take a look – Mexican, Chinese, and Italian are the top three cultural cuisine offerings. Does that mean those cultures are healthier? Are enchiladas better for you than manicotti? What about sweet ‘n sour? Sigh. Face it, the phone book is a menu menagerie not a diet book. Ding-Dong darn it all. (I know I could have looked at the gym listings – oh well.)

It didn’t help to check the authors’ credentials, either. The super-qualified Dr. So-and-So says this is the way to go for health, happiness, and slimmer, trimmer thighs. But the uber-qualified Dr. Such-and Such says that is the way to go for health, happiness and tight, defined abs. Everyone knows that a picture is worth a thousand words, but looking at their bio pictures certainly didn’t help matters any. They all look too tan, too dried out and too stringy – just a bunch of over-cooked turkeys.

Maybe the recipes would point me in the right direction. After all, nothin’ says lovin’ like somethin’ from the oven! So throw together a bunch of nutritionists, spa chefs, mile-long ingredient lists and voila – what do you have? A tasteless meal that no one will eat which cost way more than the take-n-bake pizza deal that comes with a tub of chocolate chip cookie dough.

So what’s a fluffy-around-the-middle girl supposed to do? Buy another book! What I don’t need is another diet book. What I do need is a first-grade math book – addition and subtraction is where it’s at. Calories in, calories out. Big salads in, fat pants out. Circuit-training in, vegging-out out. I’ve never been very good at math, but maybe I can figure this problem out and get back in shape. Well, at least a different shape than round.